How to Thank a Professor?

When I buy clothes I think, WWMSD?  As in, what would my sister do?  See, I'm not a very visual person and I'm not good with visual aesthetics, or things like layering, color coordinating, doing hair, all these things are lost on me.  Luckily, she's very good at it, and she's one of those types of people that will wear high end hair extensions and do all sorts of torturous beauty treatments, like tanning -- which I definitely won't do because I have an allergic reaction to sunlight and usually spend summer in a gallon of suntan lotion, and a hat or hoodie for my delicate scalp, because if I don't I spend two weeks itching in misery.  So, when I want to fit in with the pink collar world I've learned to imitate.  And that brings me to the model for etiquette: my boss.  

Today, she gave me my third thank you card this year, along with a small gift.  (Every time I get these cards I consider scanning them and sending them with my college application, but I figure that would look junky.)  Anyway, she is as close as a model for the etiquette of gratitude that I'm going to get. 

So, I'm trying to find a way to thank a professor of mine who has been a great help to me outside of the classroom.  He's critiqued and offered suggestions for my fiction, and he's working, albeit slowly, to answer a question related to my Claude McKay interest.  He's been helpful to me on numerous occasions, and I don't think I would have even pursued writing certain pieces had it not been for his help.  And he always gives me practical advice, meaning that I never have to listen to any fluffy, touchy feely crap that I loathe so much.  Traditionally I've just ended emails with "thank you."  Once, I offered to pay him, but he declined payment.  Now, I did write an official Thank You card to my Econ professor but again, my handwriting is horrible, and I've already said "thank you."  So, I've been thinking about sending a gift.  I figure that it would not be a conflict of interest considering that we'll never have a class together again, thus it can't be considered a bribe.  On the other hand, I am planning on making an appointment with him and asking for a letter of recommendation in the winter.  So, I'm torn as to whether it's ethical or not.  Perhaps I need to review the faculty handbook.

But my other problem is that I have NO IDEA what to give to him.  He helps me, not the other way around.  I don't really know the first thing about him, other than the time period of the literature he likes.  So I thought, sure, I could get him a book, or a subscription to a literary journal.  It sounds like a good idea to me because my third grade teacher gave me a copy of Charlotte's Web and I loved her for it.  I'd already read it, I might have even already had the copy, but the fact that she'd give me a book!  The fact that she'd think that highly of me!  But, I was a third grade kid with little motivation or encouragement and so of course it felt wonderful.  But to give a book about a subject in which a grown adult is an expert in?  They'd probably already have read it, or know all about it.  Plus, doesn't the library have all the literary journals a professor would ever want to read?

So, I could give the gift of food.  It could be something homemade, but then how do I know what he eats?  He could be diabetic.  He could be a vegan.  He could be allergic to something.  Okay, so I could give a gift certificate to a restaurant, but how do I know that he even lives near there, or that he doesn't hate the place.  And, if someone is a vegan, perhaps Jackson isn't the place to be getting your gift certificates.  And I should know, because the last time I went to Mat's Cafe with my vegan mother she kept complaining that the bread tasted like pork (and it definitely did not). 

I've researched online for suggestions, but apparently all the tips are for grade school teachers because I'm pretty sure a handmade card covered in glitter isn't age appropriate.

I've considered calling the secretary of the department and being like "Is anyone there allergic to peanuts?" but I'm afraid that might be taken the wrong way. . . .hmm.

So, I guess I'm leaning towards the gift certificate idea.

If only the rapture had come, I'd be spending my time in hell with poker players and promiscuous women.  Instead, I'm reading etiquette guides on the internet, so maybe I really am in hell.