Ugh. 

1.  I have to call the school tomorrow and let whatsherface know that I can't attend the award ceremony.  I was preparing carrots when I started thinking about it.  Actually I was tasting one of the carrots because I about started crying and something about that meant that I couldn't swallow so there I am, choking on my carrot, contemplating why I was even starting to lose it in the first place.  And...I'm not sure why.  Normally I'd never go to something like that.  I never have.  But, I did promise myself I'd try and do things I wouldn't normally do plus, this time around, I don't know...it was a huge surprise to get it but I felt like I wanted it.  Like, it was something I actually deserved and was a course that I worked hard at.  Plus, it'd be nice to. . . I don't know.   Anyway, the whole experience of crying into carrots made me think of the book Like Water for Chocolate.  I found it when I was in middle school.  It was my mom's and she had it in a box in the garage.  I used to hide it between my mattresses thinking I was reading something bad, like a boy who finds his dad's porno mags or something.  Magical Realism is hot. 

Anyway, hopefully the Thank You card makes me seem like something other than an ungrateful jerk. 

2.  After work, late Friday night, I'm supposed to attend a BOOK CLUB MEETING.  Hurray!  Kind of.  Thursday will be my FINAL final exam and I'm going to be so busy Friday that I don't know how in the hell I'm going to find the time to make a delicious appetizer using caramelized onions.  Why must the carmelization process take so long!  Why must so many onions be chopped! Maybe I'll just buy cheeses.  One of the members is bringing wine they bought at a wine tasting at Bella Note's so I guess that would work.  

3.  Next week is all about getting back on track at work, digging myself out of this deep hole and being able to teach my new partner so she can be a fully functioning team member.  I have been working so hard while so many other people are taking days off left and right so I am going to be SHOCKED AND AWED if I don't get an awesome performance review. Then I'm going to get reading glasses and read the hell out of some books. 

4. I just posted my final discussion in African American Literature and I felt so...sad. Ugh, emotions, I could vomit all over myself.

5. My best friend's mom is in the hospital and it's not looking good so I sent her flowers this morning. It's hard to figure out what to write with so little characters, and to a woman I've only met twice even though I've been bff's with her daughter since the fourth grade. I wrote: Dear. Mrs. (BFF'sMom), I've been friends with your daughter for a long time, so although I've only met you twice I know that you must be a great mother because you raised a wonderful daughter. I hope you get well soon. Sincerely, TheCollegeDropout

I'm not good at figuring out how to say nice things in bad situations.

5.  My schedule for next semester is: Writing Experience II with K. Pursell, Creativing Writing II with M. Petry, and Business Law, with T. Benson.  I had this idea awhile ago that I'd try and start a writing group the same way I started my book club, nothing that involves sitting in a woods alone, but writing and reading and workshopping, that kind of thing -- and maybe public service projects.  But then I realized that I don't know anyone who is into that kind of stuff.  Or if they are, they are keeping it on the down low.  It started to stun me a bit when I thought about how I know where I can buy any number of drugs, could buy illegal weapons, and yet I don't know of people who are into writing???? Hell, I barely know people who are into READING. 

Looks like I'll have to move to Portland: 

My Northwest coast Uncle complained that independent bookstore owners were actually like that, and I said "Hey, I'm just jealous you actually have bookstores." For real.