argh

It's Thursday evening and the assignments for Creative Writing that should have been posted Sunday or Monday are still not posted.  So, we have wasted almost another entire week doing nothing.  Also, I have a minor medical procedure coming up, so I'm trying to prepare for it by getting ahead in courses, buying books to read, updating my life insurance information, and of course buying Fruity Pebbles because I haven't had them in a long time, and I think anytime you put yourself in any danger you should be able to indulge in a guilty pleasure beforehand.  Oh, Holy Fred Flinstone, give me the patience to get through this course.   

Eng 132: Metacognitive Reflection on my Rhetorical Analysis.

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Diane Ravitch
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For my next paper, I plan on arguing against high stake testings and the type of school reforms proposed by Michelle Rhee and like minded reformers.  So, when it came time to write a rhetorical analysis of an author, Diane Ravitch came to mind. 

I wasn't particularly familiar with Ravitch, but I remembered seeing her on an episode of The Daily Show.  I remember thinking she was awkward, and that she didn't seem very good at arguing or appealing to her audience, but that she was intriguing, and she had intelligent arguments.  So, I decided I would research her.

I started researching Ravitch by reading her various articles on the internet and in databases.  Her articles were interesting enough, and flawed enough, to be worth a critical review.  One thing that I noticed again and again was that even when she wasn't writing something to be read in an education specific publication, she wrote for a very narrow audience and didn't provide much evidence.  Although she discussed poverty on The Daily Show, she doesn't use her articles to tell stories about these students, and she doesn't work very hard to appeal to an audience using pathos. 

In my opinion, unless people like Ravitch start focusing their arguments on children and use more pathos, they don't stand a chance against people like Rhee who are anti teacher tenure and pro high stake testing.  Rhee's narrative strokes people's reptilian brains, and Ravitch's doesn't. 

When I read "Why We're Behind: What Top Nations Teach Their Students But We Don't," I was really interested in what Ravitch and Cortese had to say about curriculum in the US and abroad.  I thought their arguments seemed logical, but I didn't see much evidence within their article supporting their claims. I decided that I'd review this article, an article I mostly agree with, because I wanted to find the flaws in the argument, and find a way to build a better one that can appeal to a broad audience, and successfully convince readers using logos, ethos, and pathos.

What really informed my initial writing was the student essay we had to read in class.  Although, there were times when I didn't like that essay and I wasn't sure if ours were supposed to look exactly like that one.  I figured that it had probably been the best article in the class, and so that's why it was used, so I didn't know if it was a good idea to do it differently.  Ultimately, I think I did stray from the example essay because I'm a lot more critical of Ravitch and Cortese's article than the student writer was of his or her author's work.   But I really didn't like reading this essay because it makes me apprehensive about going into more depth about the article or Ravitch's claims.  I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. 

After I wrote my outline for the course, I didn't completely stick to it, but I did follow my initial outline more closely than I've followed any of my previous outlines.  I think that is just because I was working with a smaller number of sources and the focus was much more narrow than in our previous papers.  

After I posted my first draft I received a couple of comments on my essay which I took into consideration when revising for my second draft.  It was helpful, but it's always more helpful when they are received earlier, rather than receiving them the day our next draft is due. 

For me, the annotated bibliography was harder to write for sources that weren't books, because I have a lot less to say about a short article than an entire novel. 

After revising the essay I looked over the citations and adjusted the margins according to our guidelines.

I don't think I found any part of the process for this paper particularly helpful.  I knew what I was going write and so I wrote it. 

For me, my favorite part of this process was the research and the writing.  Sometimes, when my vision isn't too blurry, I think I'd like to research for the rest of my life.  But, my least favorite parts of the process was changing the margins.  I just don't like changing margins and never have.  It's just like how I can't stand looking at miniature golf courses, even though I don't have a good reason for feeling that way. 

Casey Anthony: Teachable Moments.

The Casey Antony verdict has really taken me back to that moment in my middle school classroom where my English teacher turned on a television so we could all watch the OJ Simpson verdict.  There was no context, no discussion, just an all white school of pubescent kids modeling their parent's and teacher's opinions.  Of course, his guilt was assumed to be without a doubt. 

So, I've heard a lot about Casey Anthony lately.  I hear about it from friends, family, and coworkers.  Sometimes Caylee's death is twisted into arguments against abortion. 

I am tired of it.  I'm (always) tired of Nancy Grace.  I'm tired of the mob mentality.  I am tired of watching the media cover one child's murder while a child was just savagely murdered in Michigan, and while children are abused and murdered every day.  Caylee can't be brought back to life, so let's not pretend we're talking about justice here.  If we want to talk about justice, we ought to be talking about preventing child abuse, murder, and offering support services to parents who, perhaps, had no positive role model in their own childhood, or who suffer from mental illness, addiction, or feel they're at a breaking point for any reason.  We ought to not be twisting a child's death into a political arguments against abortion, but instead preventing unwanted pregnancies, and that ISN'T going to happen when funding for places like Planned Parenthood gets stripped away by people who ignore that the vast majority of their services have nothing to do with abortion.

Planned Parenthood provided me with my first prescription for low cost birth control, and in doing so it prevented unwanted pregnancies, and that means Planned Parenthood  prevented abortions.

The justice system is horribly flawed, but I find it particularly strange that so many members of the angry mob point this out only in relation to Casey Anthony and OJ Simpson.  When were there so many people outraged over the convictions of innocent people who were later exonerated by DNA evidence?  Where was the massive press coverage when Michal Anthony Green was exonerated by DNA evidence, but only after spending 27 years in prison. 

While I consider Nancy Grace's sociopathic tendencies evidence that she is out to exploit and capitalize on the victims she covers, I believe many people who are outraged are good people in need of catharsis.  I understand that, but let's not confuse it for justice.

If we want to talk about justice we should be talking about supporting (politically and financially) high tech forensic labs that reduce the risk of contamination of evidence, and provide examiners the tools they need to create a case based on more than circumstantial evidence.    We should be talking about setting up scholarships that encourage our brightest scientific minds to go into criminology and forensic pathology. We should spend less time devoting news coverage to Casey Anthony's trial and verdict, and more time focusing on the children that have been victimized every single day, sometimes right next door to someone sitting on the couch, cursing Casey Anthony. 

It's not that I think Casey is innocent, by the way, but it's really hard to tell what I think and what I feel when every image of her I've seen on television and online -- at places like huffingtonpost.com -- shows her smirking.  Guilty or innocent, the media has a definite bias against her, because they have a bias towards sensationalism.  And this was one sensational case. 

Having just recently devoted so much of my time to reading about the life, time, and work of Ida B. Wells-Barnett, I do feel a particularly strong fear and disgust towards mob justice and media bias that favors sensationalism over evidence.  So, I find the attacks on the jurors to be especially disturbing. 

According to the Innocence Project, 272 people have been exonerated post conviction, based on DNA evidence.  Obviously, our justice system is far from perfect, but to abandon it and return to mob rule and gut instincts would be to return to the days of Wells-Barnett where many innocent people were tortured and executed, and where the guilty escaped or would never stand trial, simply because the mob didn't hold them accountable, because the mob follows instinct, rather than evidence.

Even with the flaws of our system, holding our justice system to a high standard isn't only about protecting defendants, it's also about the victims.  For every person wrongfully convicted the real threat to society walks, and can live without fear of being caught.  The Innocence Project has helped gather data and  propose reforms that can help both innocent defendants, and victims.

There are many times when I wish America did things a little more like many other countries.  I wish we didn't have factory farms.  I wish we didn't go to war in Iraq.  I wish we had universal health care.  I wish college tuition didn't cost so much money.  I wish American sitcoms could be a little more British.  But, I've always considered our justice system, our promise of a fair trial, to be the crown jewel of our system. So if we're talking about justice, we ought to be talking about protecting it.

When good teaching doesn't work.

Normally, my Writing Experience II class is set up so that when we begin to post our papers we're in our own small writer groups and are unable to view the papers posted in other groups.  This time, however, I can view all the groups, but I can't comment on them.  I'm not sure if it's a mistake or not, but I've been reading everything everyone posts.  There are times when I want so badly to comment, but I can't.  For instance, right now a person posted a paper on the subject of arranged marriages within the "Punjabi religion."  There are many things I'd like to say about this paper, the first being that there is NO "punjabi religion."  It's a region, it's a people, and they all practice different religions.  But that's besides the point.

The point is that English 132 with Kristine Pursell is a course I've considered probably the most effective at laying out material, utilizing technology, and creating a dialogue that is sustained throughout our units.  So it was very surprising to me when I noticed that a few of the papers aren't what we were assigned.  We were assigned to create a rhetorical analysis of an article, with the article informing our research for our next paper: the argument essay.

Instead of providing analysis of an article, these few papers are informative or argumentative, and they don't even begin to analyze another author's work.

In this unit we were provided instructions, power point presentations, information in our coursebook, and we read an example of a rhetorical analysis which we discussed and analyzed in assignments.  These students participated in that, and it would have been impossible for them to come up with their assignments without having read the sample essay.

So . . . how does this happen?  Okay, so I've read The Chronicle articles about the students that bullshit their assignments, turning in papers on Madonna rather than Napoleon, and I've seen similar things happen in my Creative Writing class.  But I don't think these are papers of students who decided they were going to bullshit or do whatever unique project came to mind.  I'm pretty sure these are serious papers, and so I can't figure out where the confusion could be coming from.

I would like to know how this happens.  How can students who are capable of putting together a paper at all, completely misunderstand the assignment?  Now, I have been confused by professor's poor instructions before, but that isn't the case here.

I'm not someone who believes in the myth of the perfect teacher being able to reach every one of their students.  When I was in high school, I had a pretty good science teacher who couldn't get me to perform in his class or turn in my assignments, and it wasn't his fault.  But, I always understood the directions of the assignments, I just slacked off and didn't do it.  So, it's still disconcerting when I can't come up with an explanation for how and why someone's understanding of an assignment could be so completely off.  In a lot of my classes I can think up ways in which a professor could have done things differently, or explained something more effectively, but in this case I can't come up with any solutions. 

It's not just a matter of misunderstanding one assignment, but how can a student be taught to comprehend their assigned tasks so that they don't make the same mistake in future courses?  Is such a thing possible? 

I started doing a little Google research on the topic, but I for now I can't find anything that answers my questions.

For now I remain. . .

baffled. 

Admissions: The Scarlet A of a Bad Student.

A smarter student would probably just kiss ass and keep his or her expectations of the community college classroom low.  Unfortunately, I have a hard time remembering that rule, and really only remember it when I begin to think of the Four Year admissions process. 

In high school I was somewhat of a polarizing student.  I received glowing letters of recommendations from three teachers, but I was also getting suspended and taken to task by the world's most boring Civics teacher.  So far, every piece of advice I find on applying to Four Year recommend "being honest"  and explaining indiscretions.  What they really mean of course, is apologizing, learning, growing, etc.  And in some cases I can honestly do that, but in other cases I can't because there are plenty of "indiscretions" that I don't feel any remorse over.  I guess I should focus on the things I HAVE learned and grown from, and should skip anything resembling "Hey, I missed more than forty days of school in the eighth grade so really you should look at my high school career as an improvement!"

The reality is that high school is a bag of contradictions and I'd rather just skip discussing it all together.  When it comes to writing a personal essay I again run up against the problems of trying to sound like me while simultaneously branding myself like a product, while trying to reconcile the contradictions.  It seems like a nearly impossible task to undertake in a short essay. 

How do you try and show that despite academic pitfalls you're intelligent enough, equipped enough, to be a successful student at a Four Year university, running up against 18 year old valedictorians?   You can't prove things that you've taught yourself.  You can't prove the hours you spend using Rosetta Stone learning a foreign language, or teaching yourself programming language, or learning about credit, or the financial aide process, or just about anything you were never taught in a class or by a parent.   

One reason why I hate writing personal narrative essays is because there is the desire to reconcile all the contradictions to conform to some singular thesis or narrative.  How do you explain that while your parents emphasized reading and being smart, you were expected not to become too smart, or that you'd be encouraged while simultaneously undermined?  In this reality tv obsessed culture, how do you explain the nuances of a family?  How do you explain that no, your mom's not a hoarder so much as she just becomes overwhelmed.  How do you brand yourself as a student from a working class background of parents who didn't go to college, while also marking your step mother as an graduate student alumni from your college of choice?  How do you explain the dual sensations of success? Or the self mutilation that comes with being a successful student? 

The problem with researching the admissions process is that all the advice is geared towards baby chicks fresh from high school.   At 28 years old, recommendations about excelling in a sport aren't really helpful or realistic.  The disappointing news is that community service hours are, supposedly, given more weight than being able to hold down a full time job.  I've done community service, and continue to, but probably not as much as a student with more time and less financial obligations.  Despite the possibility that my job may not be appreciated by an admissions board, I'm still going to play that up.  I have a history of excellent performance reviews and, in this increasingly career oriented climate colleges are finding themselves in, a person who can hold down a job and work well with others should be of interest to a school.  I mean, my Step Aunt has a husband who graduated from Harvard but he's been out of work for years because he looks like an Elf on his way to Mordor, and he has the worst personality I've ever had the displeasure of coming across.  Most people learn to survive by getting a haircut, smiling, and not complaining about every little thing -- but he's still waiting for Gandalf the Grey to make his dreams come true. 

Now, historically, I've always heard that college's want "well rounded" students, and that seems to be what many of their transfer admissions web pages are implying, if not stating outright, yet according to some of my recent research well rounded students can be at a disadvantage.  Time magazine reported that Rachel Toor, a former admissions officer at Duke University, says that admission officers favor "angular kids, those with a much more focused interest or talent" over well rounded students.  According to Time, the same thing goes on at Cornell University.  I'm not planning on applying to any place so ritzy and selective, but if this is true for the public universities I'll be applying to, then it could actually work in my favor. 

But, like everything else in life, so much of the information I find is contradictory.  Even reading the comments to an article just makes it that much more confusing! Some argue that you should absolutely know what's going in to your letter of recommendation, others say that you must sign the waiver of confidentiality (which I was going to do anyway) to be taken seriously.  But, others have argued that not knowing what's in a letter means you could get a crap letter, which is worse than no letter at all!  Some posters tackle the more interesting and controversial subject of the role letters of recommendation play in admissions when so much of building a relationship with a teacher is based on things like social class, race, and classroom size.  That's worth reflection, but for now, I'm just concerned that I make sure to only ask professors who will correctly spell my name. 

In the New York Times blog article a commentator, and alleged teacher, wrote " I can’t stress this enough, WRITE A FORMAL THANK YOU NOTE FOR THE RECOMMENDATION. If I can take an hour to personalize a letter for your future, you can take five minutes to personalize a thank you card. After eleven years and over 100 recommendations I have received nine thank you cards. I know this because I keep them. It baffles me that seniors in high school are so entitled that they can’t even formally thank someone for their time and effort. This is a big one for me."

So that makes me feel really happy that I overcame my fear of my horrible handwriting to send my Econ teacher a Thank You card.   I wrote as slowly and as legibly as I possibly could. 

Ultimately, applying to schools is going to be an exercise in trust and faith, both of which I have in very little supply.  But I still need to do as much as I can to brand myself.  If/When I finally receive some sort of comments on my Creative Writing assignments, maybe I can fix them up and do something with them for my portfolio.  I actually tried at poetry this semester, and I've gotten better.  I figure that poetry is good because it's short, and hopefully it's short enough so that an admissions officer doesn't lose interest and chuck it in the trash bin. 

So, I'll continue to research the admissions process.  Looks like I have some books to buy.

Why Gay Marriage Is Good News For Hetero's Kids.

While I find New York to be surprisingly late in their legalization of gay marriage, it's wonderful that it finally happened. Obviously, this is great news because of the legal benefits of marriage, and allowing same sex marriage goes a long way as a symbolic gesture promoting a view of gays and lesbians as equal to their hetero counterparts.  I'm really happy about the idea of someday never having to hear this popular explanation of homophobia: "Sex outside of marriage is wrong, and since gays can't get married they're living a life of sin."  Sorry suckers, soon you'll all have to be coming up with new arguments as the changing culture steamrolls right over you. 

That being said, while I'm a lover of equality I'm not necessarily a lover of marriage, nor do I promote it, and I puke a little in my mouth every time I see those Marriage Matters banner ads.  I'm a bisexual feminist, not to mention an atheist, living in what some would argue is the post-feminist era, and marriage hasn't always been so nice or so good for many women living in a patriarchal and heteronormative society.  Even in marriages, working women bear the burden of raising children and doing the most housework.  It's one thing to be single and responsible for yourself and your mess, it's another to be responsible for yours and someone else's! 

BUT, I'm hoping gay marriage can help change that. 

I just wish it happened sooner.

For instance, this week I'll be attending a baby shower for my cousin who is giving birth to twins.  I've been to her sister's baby shower, so I know the drill.  It'll be all women in room that will be decorated in blue since she's having boys, there will be cake and punch, and after playing some obnoxious game we'll sit around watching her open her presents.  I'll zone out and fantasize about getting laid, or maybe write a story in my head, or maybe I'll think about things I need to buy at the grocery store.  Either way, it'll be nothing but women giving one woman presents for her children.  Diapers, toys, clothes, bottles, breast pumps, grooming kits, lotions, wipes, expensive swinging seats, and I'll just be giving a gift certificate because I'm lazy like that.  Again and again I come to these boring baby showers and see the same thing: women gathering to help another woman prepare to give birth, with the men nowhere in sight. 

In my cousins case the man is not just absent from the shower, but he's going to be absent from his children's lives.  It seems crazy to me that we, as a nation, can see the problem with so many men taking no responsibility for their children, and yet we continue traditions that focus on women as exclusively responsible for the rearing of children. 

But same sex couplings challenge traditional gender roles.  This scares nearly half the nation but it delights me, and SHOULD delight so many women and Christian conservatives who advocate for men to step up and be fathers to the children, instead of splitting as soon as the pregnancy stick turns pink.  Having gay men get into the baby shower game, and to go through the obstacles involved in having children of their own -- children they actually want -- is a good model for young hetero men, and it's a good model for hetero girls and women who automatically settle for not being able to rely on men to be there, or to do housework, or change diapers, or the many many long lists of complaints articulated by so many mothers and wives. 

I think our culture will seriously benefit when having not one but TWO male parents becomes an increasingly normal reality.  Our culture can also benefit from lesbian parents because the same debate about a woman staying home to raise the children won't have the same gender implications when the working partner is also a woman.  It will allow people to see that child rearing is not something someone is necessarily biologically destined for, but rather it's a choice that a person can make regardless of their sex. 

Unfortunately for me, I don't think same sex marriage will increase the likelihood of jello shots at baby showers, and in fact it may mean I actually have to attend more showers, but someday I hope to attend one where I watch a man tear open a wrapped package of diapers given to him by his fantasy football buddies. 

Yeah, that would be nice. 

Creative Writing Fail.

I am so stupid.  I shouldn't have spent money on my Creative Writing class.  Instead, I should have used the money for a short, but productive, conference.  I will not forget this lesson.

The old me would say "fuck this" and blow off my classes until failing or deciding to take a W.  But, the 2010-2011 version of me will continue to work to accumulate my worthless A's.  I will, however, be registering for the 2012 Bear River Conference.  Hello, Keith Taylor, you are like a hot lawn gnome and I can't wait to meet you!

ENG 132: Metacognitive Relfection: Wells-Barnett

(last edited June 16th)

I became enamored with Ida B. Wells-Barnett during Winter semester 2011, when we read a small selection of Wells's "Southern Horrors: Lynch Law in all its Phases."  The selection focused on the editorial that Ida wrote in Free Speech that would so enrage White citizens of Memphis that her office was destroyed and she was threatened with lynching if she ever returned. 

Ida's writing stood out among everything else I had read because she was so honest and blunt.  It was easy to envision her work as a sword slicing through the white supremacist propaganda of the time.  I was especially taken by the fact that this was written by a woman.  Prior to Ida, we had been reading slave narratives, and the female slave narrative by Harriett Jacobs was a very carefully constructed piece that spoke of feminine virtues and respected the concept of True Womanhood.  In everything I read, I did not remember Jacobs's autobiographical narrator ever use the word "rape" and because she didn't I found that a lot of my classmates never used that word either.  What her narrator went through was called harassment, or it was said that the master in the story was trying to get her to sleep with him, but it was never called rape, attempted rape, or anything of the sort. But to me, that is what it obviously would have been.  The narrator did not have a choice, merely the illusion.  And, while Frederick Douglass's narrative was much harsher, it was still clearly and masterfully tailored towards appealing to White audiences.  All of this makes sense of course, but it is also what made Wells's writing stand out as an unapologetic argument for the truth. 

When my class was discussing Wells-Barnett we were also discussing Booker T. Washington and his speech arguing for accommodation and industrial education.  I was very curious about what Washington had read that might have inspired him to be a leader within his community.  My theory was that in order to become a leader, one must have someone to form their identity around, a positive influence, or a role model, and anyone who read Frederick Douglass and the many other amazing authors of the time could find that in literature.  One of the many concerns I had with Washington's strategy was my theory that without liberal arts education, industrial education may not produce the leaders needed if White America ever decided to grant African Americans rights.  Prior to slave narratives stories were still told using the oral tradition in slavery, but they were subversive stories, so how could they be passed on and sustain accommodation?  Would they be passed on? 

So, when I started ruling out topics for this paper I remembered Wells-Barnett's writing, my desire to learn about her, and my theory on literature and leaders.  My thesis was more of a hypothesis than something I knew to be a fact.

Initially, I searched databases and read articles on the internet, but most of them stated the same information and lacked much detail about Ida's work.  A few of her pamphlets have been released online through Project Gutenberg, and they revealed not only the truth about the injustices she exposed, but also a press that was deliberately complicit in inciting lynch mobs.  I was fascinated with the role the press played in this, but I struggled to find sources that could provide clear examples.  I attempted to purchase an article online that seemed to be what I needed, but the website had technical problems and I couldn't buy the article, which was not available anywhere else I looked.  Luckily, I found A Dangerous Stir, which offered some of the information I was looking for.

When digging for more information on Wells I found that many of her biography are shorter books written for young adults. I was thrilled when I found Paula J. Giddings biography, but overwhelmed at the task of reading, and taking notes on, more than seven hundred pages.  Fortunately, Paula's work also pointed the way to other sources.  While I can't directly quote most newspapers from the 1800's, the New York Times archive allowed me to search for articles about my subject, and it was useful in piecing together the mixed, but often brutal, press coverage she received. 

But it was even more difficult to eliminate the aspects of her life that are rarely if ever mentioned in brief articles.  For instance, her feuds with White suffragists and the role White suffragists played in using the threat of Black men in order to gain the vote is something that I don't think should ever be forgotten.  Also fascinating was Booker T. Washington's moves to suppress Ida's critical voice by buying up the newspapers and turning others against her.  And, although Ida is now credited as one of the founding members of NAACP (which was predominately White) she was originally excluded from that list.  In fact, despite all the kind words and all the praise she received during her life -- even from her friend Frederick Douglass -- Ida was snubbed and excluded from many major records during her life. But I realize that this information belongs in a different paper. 

Every source I read was fascinating, but it was very difficult in constructing a paper that stuck to the thesis because there was so much fascinating information out there about Ida B. Wells-Barnett.  I knew that much of what was in her diary wouldn't be of any use, that it was irrelevant that she had suitors, or that she was the victim of false gossip just because she was an independent single woman, or that she apologized in her diary for spending too much on purses and clothes, and while I found her anger and attempts to control it fascinating, I knew it wasn't going to be a part of my final paper. 

Another difficulty I had was in not including the many brutal details of the lynchings, and the details of Whites who obstructed democracy and violently took over the entire towns.  These were stories of racism, certainly, but also of treason, and I feel that many people do not know anything about them.  So, for me it was very difficult to not include them all in my paper because I think the realities must be understood before people can understand how important the work Ida was performing. 

Also, I normally consider my ability to not become emotionally attached to my writing to be a strength when it comes to revision, but in this case I am attached to Ida.  The idea of letting her down made the pressure of revising and editing much more difficult than I am used to. 

While I tried to take notes on everything that I thought was important, I did not use most of them.  My original draft was a mostly chronological account of her life, and it went off in directions that made it more like an autobiography than a paper with a specific thesis.  After posting my workshop draft I knew I had a lot more to add to the paper, and so I continued to do so.  My strategy was to first plump up some of the paragraphs in order to draw clearer parallels between her writing and my thesis.  Secondly, I continued to write chronologically, ending shortly before Ida's death. 

For my second partial draft I looked over the paper and began eliminating anything outside of the lead that didn't support my thesis.  I needed to maintain some semblance of time and order in the telling of her story, but I also looked for things that could be combined into one area, despite them occurring in different time periods.  I believe I successfully found the distance I needed for the revision process by repeating to myself, "this is only a paper for school, this only a paper for school," rather than believing that I had to convince anyone of the brutality and hypocrisy of Reconstruction that many seem to forget.  

One change I made to my second introduction was to add something about Ida's writing to the second paragraph in order to draw the focus away from her "life" back to her writing, although it is difficult to not see them as synonymous because even when she was married and breastfeeding she still worked.  She brought her breastfeeding infants with her on tour, and in one case she investigated a lynching with her entire family.

But, as I began to review my second draft, I realized that I would be better off gutting the lead and much of what I had written.  While I found my original lead interesting, it just didn't stay within the narrow boundaries that I needed it to.  I rewrote the essay trying to put more emphasis on Ida's writing and what it meant in the culture she existed in.   I tried to focus more on her own motivations for writing, her analysis of culture, and the work she put into perfecting her style.  Also, I included more quotations from Wells, as well as expert quotes about her literature.  I felt like that helped with the ethos of my essay. 

After writing the final draft I searched the MLA websites, trying to ensure I did everything correctly.  However, I was confused as to whether or not I should always put the author's name in with the page number because one sample paper showed a student using only a page number, even when the author's name wasn't mentioned in the sentence.  

Unfortunately, I did not learn much from the workshop process because my peers didn't participate.  But it was helpful to receive comments from my professor.  When I reviewed my own paper I think I strayed from the peer response guidelines, but I was not afraid of hurting my own feelings.  Also, what I learned from this is that I must maintain my ability to compartmentalize my feelings and my writing.  I can't become emotionally attached to writing or else it slows down the revision process.  Editing and revising is best left up to the cold and indifferent, and I must be almost psychopathic in my ability to slice and dice my writing. 

How to Thank a Professor?

When I buy clothes I think, WWMSD?  As in, what would my sister do?  See, I'm not a very visual person and I'm not good with visual aesthetics, or things like layering, color coordinating, doing hair, all these things are lost on me.  Luckily, she's very good at it, and she's one of those types of people that will wear high end hair extensions and do all sorts of torturous beauty treatments, like tanning -- which I definitely won't do because I have an allergic reaction to sunlight and usually spend summer in a gallon of suntan lotion, and a hat or hoodie for my delicate scalp, because if I don't I spend two weeks itching in misery.  So, when I want to fit in with the pink collar world I've learned to imitate.  And that brings me to the model for etiquette: my boss.  

Today, she gave me my third thank you card this year, along with a small gift.  (Every time I get these cards I consider scanning them and sending them with my college application, but I figure that would look junky.)  Anyway, she is as close as a model for the etiquette of gratitude that I'm going to get. 

So, I'm trying to find a way to thank a professor of mine who has been a great help to me outside of the classroom.  He's critiqued and offered suggestions for my fiction, and he's working, albeit slowly, to answer a question related to my Claude McKay interest.  He's been helpful to me on numerous occasions, and I don't think I would have even pursued writing certain pieces had it not been for his help.  And he always gives me practical advice, meaning that I never have to listen to any fluffy, touchy feely crap that I loathe so much.  Traditionally I've just ended emails with "thank you."  Once, I offered to pay him, but he declined payment.  Now, I did write an official Thank You card to my Econ professor but again, my handwriting is horrible, and I've already said "thank you."  So, I've been thinking about sending a gift.  I figure that it would not be a conflict of interest considering that we'll never have a class together again, thus it can't be considered a bribe.  On the other hand, I am planning on making an appointment with him and asking for a letter of recommendation in the winter.  So, I'm torn as to whether it's ethical or not.  Perhaps I need to review the faculty handbook.

But my other problem is that I have NO IDEA what to give to him.  He helps me, not the other way around.  I don't really know the first thing about him, other than the time period of the literature he likes.  So I thought, sure, I could get him a book, or a subscription to a literary journal.  It sounds like a good idea to me because my third grade teacher gave me a copy of Charlotte's Web and I loved her for it.  I'd already read it, I might have even already had the copy, but the fact that she'd give me a book!  The fact that she'd think that highly of me!  But, I was a third grade kid with little motivation or encouragement and so of course it felt wonderful.  But to give a book about a subject in which a grown adult is an expert in?  They'd probably already have read it, or know all about it.  Plus, doesn't the library have all the literary journals a professor would ever want to read?

So, I could give the gift of food.  It could be something homemade, but then how do I know what he eats?  He could be diabetic.  He could be a vegan.  He could be allergic to something.  Okay, so I could give a gift certificate to a restaurant, but how do I know that he even lives near there, or that he doesn't hate the place.  And, if someone is a vegan, perhaps Jackson isn't the place to be getting your gift certificates.  And I should know, because the last time I went to Mat's Cafe with my vegan mother she kept complaining that the bread tasted like pork (and it definitely did not). 

I've researched online for suggestions, but apparently all the tips are for grade school teachers because I'm pretty sure a handmade card covered in glitter isn't age appropriate.

I've considered calling the secretary of the department and being like "Is anyone there allergic to peanuts?" but I'm afraid that might be taken the wrong way. . . .hmm.

So, I guess I'm leaning towards the gift certificate idea.

If only the rapture had come, I'd be spending my time in hell with poker players and promiscuous women.  Instead, I'm reading etiquette guides on the internet, so maybe I really am in hell. 

For Eng 132

car name clue #1

Normally my writing process is all done in my head, although sometimes particular lines or points I want to make will come to me randomly and I write them down on whatever is handy, like a post it note, the back of a receipt in my purse, or on my hand.  I've been trying to write less on my hand ever since I found out Sarah Palin was a "Palm Pilot" user, too.  Plus, I drink a lot of water which means I go to the bathroom a lot, and that means I wash my hands enough times at work that by the time I get home what I've written is gone. Since starting English 132 my process has had to change.

handy when used with the zoom feature.

My English class requires free writing, brain mapping, outlines, and more.  I've never written an outline for any paper.  Ever.  That's not to say that I haven't been assigned outlines.

I knew I wanted my personal essay to be about education so I needed to pick a defining moment in my life.  I had a few different ideas but the details of some incidents were sketchy, and I wasn't sure that I could come up with one single "A-ha" moment in my education.  In previous reflective essays I had successfully narrowed in one a single event, but that wasn't going to happen this time.

recording an album on a tape recorder.

So, I started looking at my father's expanding photo collection.  My father has scanned and sent more than 200 photos of me as a child, and not even 100 of my sister.  Part of the disparity, I think, is being the first born, but the reality is that my parents clearly had favorites and this is a fact that the photos reminded me of, something I ended up somewhat acknowledging in my reflective essay.  The idea that my father favored me never played a big role in my life because I lived with my mother, and since she wasn't very fond of me that was the part I decided to acknowledge.

I figured that I'd write about my experience as a young child in remedial reading and I wanted to look in the photos for details, names of books, names of cars, street names, clothing, anything that I could add to bring the early 90's alive.  I did successfully find the model of one of our old cars.  I found some titles of the books my father would put in front of me and ask me to pronounce (not that I could).  Ultimately, I didn't even use these details, but, what I also started to find were photos of me dressed up in princess costumes, things I hadn't thought about in a long time.

the kindergarten princess.

I started to think about the book I always asked my parents to read, the record that accompanied it, and the fairy tale book that become my next favorite. 

I still love fairy tales, folklore, and anything with strong archetypes, moral lessons, and similar themes fairy tales touch on.  I'm currently enamored with The Decemeberists because they make epic swashbuckling revenge songs and concept albums about mythical tragedies, all the kinds of things you'd find in fairy tales.  However, I'm far from the princess type.  So, how in the hell did that happen?

 

Yes, like most girls I was into princesses and fairy tales.  Sure, it wasn't the only thing I was into because I was also into baseball (and I did NOT throw underhanded), basketball, Nintendo, playing a red plastic guitar, dancing, recording an album, and alternating between crushing on Beetle Juice (I cannot explain this) and Macaulay Culkin, and Punky Brewster.  But, eventually, I quit the princess stuff altogether, which makes sense because I've never been graceful and I never became that girl in Reviving Ophelia who replaces all her interests to become some super shy feminine chick with no personality who only wants to fit in and date cute boys, and is apparently too threatened to raise her hand in class.  I was cursing guys out in class, so, girly girl princess? Definitely not me. 

As a super graceful Cinderella

So, then I started thinking about how that happened.  How I went from being "the happiest baby and the nicest child" (my mother's words) to being different, difficult in my mother's opinion, but also independent, fairly gender neutral, and how I wanted to take charge rather than be a princess waiting for a prince to rescue her and set her up in a nice castle with a rockin' carriage and a sweet pair of glass kicks.

It was pretty obvious to me that reading played a big role in how I was able to envision myself and transform myself into someone I wanted to be, not someone who I was told to be.  When I was able to read I wasn't at the mercy of advertisers and marketers who plucked particular fairy tales to tell to little girls on the silver screen. Through reading I was able to inhabit any story or character I wanted, and I started to think of the damsel in distress as pretty damn lame.

eat your heart out Culkin.

From that point on I started thinking about incorporating my love of fairy tales into the story and using them as metaphors throughout the story.  I didn't want to hit too hard on the usual themes of a wicked stepmother (which, while I did think then, I do not think now), but they all seemed to loosely fit the story.

I'm not sure what I would have come up with had I not started looking at old photographs because they were instrumental in jogging my memory and helping me add meaning to my experience in remedial reading.

Now....to upload my papers.